Posted 18:10 by Tycho

Now Playing: "Crawling in my Skin", by Linkin Park.

My father registered me for a 5 Mile (8 Kilometer) road race on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The $20 registration fee goes straight into the public school system.

I'm expecting to finish at about 38:30, but I could be faster, because Quincy is at sea level, while Worcester is higher up and has thinner air.

Note to self: wear spandex leggings under shorts. Its going to be a cold 5 miles.

This makes up for missing the annual Degan 5k/10k road race that I really love running in (Degan was a federal marshall, killed in action during a firefight). I really love the course. First 3 miles is relatively flat and fast, with a couple of small hills and downhills thrown in the mix to keep it interesting. The 4th mile is on a straight road, out to Quincy Shore Drive. Thats it. Then the last 2.05 miles are along the beach, so you get cooled down some by the breeze, giving you a respite from the lactic acid buildup in your legs.

Possibly my favorite part of that race is the kick. The very end, the last 800-1200 meters or so ( .5-.75 miles ). Pure sprint. But your adrenaline is pumping because the crowd is just all around, a continous roar is all you can hear as you dive through them, the pounding of your feet no longer audible over the noise. The brain gets an extra spike of adrenaline, and now you can't feel your legs anymore. Your arms are pumping as hard and fast as you can, and your face gets contorted into a grotesque image of dedication, yearning, and pain. You're flying. The crowd is roaring.

The opening to the stadium is dead ahead, and as you enter, the entire place jumps to its feet and the deafening sound of everyone cheering at once makes you forget who you are, and what you're doing. All that matters is that you keep sprinting for the next 200 meters ( .125 miles ).

You look up and see your family and friends and then your mind just gets blown away with pride and goes "FUCK IT! I'M GOING FOR BROKE", and your legs move so damn fast that they're about to snap due to the speed and force.

Then its done. You've crossed the finish line. The little part of you that is in contact with common sense goes "thank God I'm through that", but your other half is disappointed, and wants to continue onwards, to make that moment live forever.

Your legs collapse beneath you, and you drop. The lactic acid buildup had been so great, that as it drains, your legs are no longer able to support your weight, and you're forced to lay down and bask in your victory.

The feeling of warmth from the sun on your face, the pounding of your heart, the sharp burning in your legs, you'll never feel so good again. NEVER.

Ok, I'm sorry I ranted on and on about the Degan Road Race. Its just that I love it, and due to school, I was forced to miss running it this year. Sorry, Mr. Degan.

Now playing: "Walk Away", by the Dropkick Murphys. This is my current favorite song, because I can identify with it alot. It is a good explanation of what I'm going through now. Plus its a good song, anyways.

I'd do my Stress homework, but its the same thing as yesterday's, and it makes no sense whatsoever. I shall not be defeated by it, though. Tomorrow I plan on going to Prof. Grandin's office hours and figuring out what the hell is going on and then solve both problems.

And even if I can't solve the problems, oh well. There is no shame in defeat, so long as the soul remains unvanquished.

Hopefully I'll have time to go for a run tomorrow. Nothing too long. Figure on 4-5 miles. Something to give me a little relaxation, and a way to pound out all my troubles and pain. Won't get rid of the troubles or pain, but it will give me time to think about it and make me feel a little better (mmm...I love endorphines).

Ok, now after all that, I hope that most people will stop reading by then, because what comes next is actually whats been on my mind alot lately, and it hurts to think/talk about it. Read on, if you will. But I still feel uncomfortable even thinking about it. Yet this is my Blog, and this is where I put what I think and is an outlet, so here goes:

I am getting over Jen. Its hard, yeah, but after putting a little distance between the two of us, I realized that it may not be how it should be. Sure, if she asked me out, I'd say yes, but she doesn't like me like that, and I'm starting to not like her like that, so that has no bearing on me anymore. Josh, I'm telling you, and her, too, actually, if you guys don't smarten up, you're missing out on the chance of a lifetime, and I'd hate for that to happen. You'd make one hell of a couple. Go for it.

Ok, I'm still not able to think about this without being pissed at myself, but here goes:

I fucked up. Twice. Royally. Supposedly it wasn't anything bad or something like that (from what I've been told), but I feel and know that it is. I feel that I was most definitely in the wrong, that what I did and said was hideous. I'm incredibly sorry. I can only hope you guys can accept my apology and forgive me. I wasn't thinking. Put two friendships on VERY thin ice.

I'd do ANYTHING to avoid losing them as friends, and to prevent my being stupid and idiotic so that this situation will NEVER be repeated.

As I was told, though, you live, and you learn. Do not regret the past, but remember it, so that you aren't doomed to repeat it. I don't like that advice, for it means that I have to make mistakes. Painful mistakes. I replied with: "sometimes the lesson isn't worth the price". Nothing is worth losing two friends...nothing. Except our lives. Everything else can be replaced. Money, house, car, whatever. All that I would trade away to keep my friends. They are expendable, replaceable. A friendship isn't. Neither is someone's life.

Ok, you'll get more asinine and inane ranting from me later. See ya.