Posted 00:12 by Tycho

Ok, so I'm NPCing tomorrow, awesome.

Called Josh tonight. Sounded REALLY pissed at me...no idea over what...I can't think of what might be eating at him.

Hope its nothing serious, and hopefully he just thought it was the wrong person. I say he owes me 50% of his loot from Halloween. Just so I can gain some weight back. I haven't been eating much at all. Either not feeling hungry, or have butterflies in my stomach, so I can't eat. I dunno why I would have the butterflies. I think its Stress Analysis. I'm not doing so hot in it.

My social life isn't so great either, though I just had a KICKASS time playing poker with my roommates! It was fun just to kick back and relax and just trash talk and talk shit about each other all in good fun. Only if we could do that more often!!

"All my dreams seem to fall by the side like a discarded thought or the day's fading light..."--Forever, by the Dropkick Murphys. My new co-favorite song. Its just very sentimental, very haunting, and has a tinge of sadness to it. Its a beautiful song, and I highly suggest it.

Note to self: Ask the girl out!

Secondary note to self: Not Jen--the very best luck to her and her boyfriend! :-)

Aye, in my Creative Writing course, I reflected upon that on Higgins Lawn. I was thinking logically then, and with true emotion, rather than my normal idiotic fucked up emotional set ;-). Here's what I had written in my writing journal:

"...Knowing this, one should live their life to have no regrets and NO ONE should ever have to ask themselves 'what if?'.

There is no time to live in the past of in the future, we must live for the now."

I should really take my own advice nowadays. But unfortunately, my pride and fear won't allow me to do that just yet. The lyrics that really go with that are:

"Do you think we're gonna make it? I don't know unless we try. We can sit here scared to move, OR WE COULD TAKE THEM BY SURPRISE! Its submission that they want! Its surrender that they need! When we're doing it their way, they're aims will be achieved."--"The Gauntlet", again, by the Dropkick Murphys.

Another song that REALLY describes how I feel at times now is "In the End" by Linkin Park, and also "Run Away", also by them. Or even "Crawling". So many songs to describe my emotional state now. Chris: no, not the Barney Song. I wouldn't dare let your fantasies come true.

I need to get more Linkin Park songs. I'll have to drop by the Common Outlets sometime to get them.

Ok, back to girls. Not only is Russ pressuring me to get some courage and get a girlfriend, so is Chris! Double the pressure! Fucking peer pressure! I won't give in! Actually...giving in would probably be the best choice, and here's why:

1. If she says yes, then I've got a girlfriend :-). My very first one. I'll lose my fear of conversing with women, or dealing with them. No being scared that I'm not attractive enough to get a girlfriend, no more being scared that they won't like my personality, no more worrying about my fear.

2. If she says no, crap, then I might not be able to talk to her again, at least with a straight face. She also might feel disinclined to talk to me at all, or avoid me totally. <--------- Thats my biggest fear. I've lived with rejection my entire life--everyone does, I'm not worried about it. It'll rip at me for a few days, but then, I hate to say this, but Time has its effect and heals the wounds caused by the rejection. Its that asking out a girl can change the sort of relationship you have with her. If you were her friend, the friendship might be destroyed. Or, she might say "no", but still be friends (thankfully what happened to me, I dunno how much of my good luck it took, but it would have been worth it to use all of it up).

I forgot to gloat about my pool skills. Before term break, I was playing a game of 8-Ball with myself--no one wanted to play with me :-(. Just kidding. I tend to not tell anyone I'm going so I can have some quiet time so I can have some time to do serious thinking and think out my troubles and problems, along with having some relaxation time. If I see anyone down there, I'll invite them to play, though.

Ok, so, if you get the 8-ball in on the break, you win, automatically. I was just playing by myself, and I favored the left with the break, with high left English, I think. Smashed the cue ball as hard as I could. Balls break hard and fast, and the 8-ball cruises towards the side pocket on the right, kisses the edge, and barely rolls in.

I jumped up and pumped my fist triumphantly in the air. That was the best thing I've ever done when playing pool. I was REALLY excited. Got a couple of weird looks, but I didn't care. I'm a weird guy. What can I say, other than that?

I've got to get up in less than 7 hours. Good night all.